A few of my friends know pretty well who and what I am, but most of them don’t. Am I gay or straight? This is not an embarrassing question at all. What embarrasses me is people’s villainous, toxic attitudes.
- a straight / heterosexual man is a man who feels attracted, both romantically and sexually, exclusively to women;
- a gay / homosexual man is a man who feels attracted, both romantically and sexually, exclusively to men;
- a bisexual man is a man who feels attracted, both romantically and sexually, to both men and women (not necessarily at a time!).
I, however, am not in line with any of these “definitions,” or rather sentiments, on sexual identities because
- I am biologically, psychologically, and socially male;
- I feel romantically attracted to nobody;
- I feel sexually attracted to both cisgender men and cisgender women (not necessarily at a time!);
- I used to be pansexual but have been attracted only to cisgender individuals since 27;
- I am capable of feeling and experiencing love of all kinds (like that between family members, friends, etc. and even in romantic movies).
In the light of these facts,
- if you happened to see me dating a girl and thought I was straight, then you were wrong;
- if you happened to see me dating a boy and thought I was gay, then you were wrong again;
- if you happened to know that I dated both sexes and thus thought I was bisexual, then you were just partially wrong.
Now, you should know that I am technically an aromantic bisexual cisgender male – that is, a man whose birth sex is male, who identifies himself as male, who is able to have sex with both men and women (of course, not all of them, not necessarily at a time!), and who is unable to establish a romantic relationship with anyone. While I have always been very open about my sexuality, it is NOT wise to identify it with apathy, satyriasis, or priapism.
So probably our conversation would be like:
— Are you straight?
— Well, not perfectly straight. Look! That man’s beard is hot. So are his buns!
— Are you gay?
— Well, not perfectly gay. You know, I am into vaginae, too –– just like your dirty old uncle entrenched in heteronormativity.
And most of the time, I refer to myself as a complex number, which is aromantic + bisexual.
If interested, you are welcome to read these articles: